Ep 19 - Hard Habit to Break: Dealing with Addiction
Terminal Vocation
This episode of Terminal Vocation, hosted by Deacon Mark and Erin, explores how habits and addictions impact romantic relationships and individual identity. Personal Updates & Celebrations * In Memoriam of Penny: The hosts share the sad news of passing away of Penny, their 15-year-old dog and occasional podcast "guest." * 26th Wedding Anniversary: The hosts celebrate 26 years of marriage, reminiscing about getting married in the year 2000 and poking fun at preferred numbers and dates. Reflections on Scientific Discovery & Relationship Foundations * Dark Matter Research: Deacon Mark highlights a news story regarding scientists searching for dark matter using liquid xenon underground. * Identity and Fulfillment: The hosts draw a parallel between dark matter—something known to exist long before direct evidence is found—and human relationships. Referencing both St. Augustine and Cool Runnings, they emphasize that a person must first find fulfillment in God and self-worth before seeking a relationship, as a partner cannot fill a missing core piece. Navigating Addictions and Habits in Relationships * The Business Analogy: Drawing from the book The Goal, Deacon Mark notes that just as businesses must prioritize their primary resources, relationships require prioritizing God and core vocation; addiction subverts this hierarchy by prioritizing a substance or habit above all else. * Defining Addiction: The hosts define addiction—psychological or physical dependence on drugs, substances, or behaviors—and distinguish between unconscious habits and addictive dependencies. * Observation and Communication: When noticing an annoying habit or potential red flag (e.g., constant phone usage, heavy drinking, gambling), early observation and open-ended, non-defensive communication are essential to gauge a partner's self-awareness and willingness to change. * Testing Boundaries with Lent: Deacon Mark shares his practice of giving up alcohol for 40 days during Lent as a periodic proof of self-control. The hosts suggest using temporary breaks or Lenten sacrifices to help reorder priorities rightly. * Making the Final Decision: Ultimatums often backfire by causing resentment or secretive behavior. Ultimately, an individual must decide whether they can accept a partner's struggles as they are or if the behavior represents a definitive deal-breaker.